A fat old man has caught Covid, his name is Santa Claus. Santa is 63 years old, rail thin and has type 2 diabetes which puts him into a high risk category. He is feeling fine, is asymptomatic and is taking it easy on the couch, he is used to this kind of attention at this time of year though. "With a name like Santa Claus I usually get some kind of attention around Christmas time, I think its time to change my name, I'm getting too old for this shit." Santa said while walking back into his home in Des Moines, Iowa.

In 2022 Governor Janice Smith drank too much water, but Covid cases were surging in her state and she decided to do the cowardly thing and go to the bathroom. We asked on the street just outside of the Capital Building, What do you think about the Governor taking a bathroom break while people in here state die of Covid? Steven Gates answered "I think its a shame, she can go to the bathroom anytime and were out here suffering! The last time she laslo lsong oeyn" We apologize for that last sentence we couldn't make out what he was saying because he was eating a churro, obviously eating himself to death due to the chaos. A mother of 3

Cleidus, a 14 year old male horse in NYC, recently was transferred to a stable in the Manhattan area and is unsure whether or not he needs to wear a mask, when asked about the confusion he stated. "I asked about the law, because I can't read and don't have a phone because, you know, hooves, and I keep hearing that New York is progressive and has a mask mandate so I thought 'Do they consider animals people?'. Its a possibility so every time I go out on a ride with my owner I am terrified that if I run into a police officer they will ticket or arrest me for not wearing a mask!" The confusion for animals in New