A fat old man has caught Covid, his name is Santa Claus. Santa is 63 years old, rail thin and has type 2 diabetes which puts him into a high risk category. He is feeling fine, is asymptomatic and is taking it easy on the couch, he is used to this kind of attention at this time of year though.

“With a name like Santa Claus I usually get some kind of attention around Christmas time, I think its time to change my name, I’m getting too old for this shit.” Santa said while walking back into his home in Des Moines, Iowa.